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The Gift of Love By Jean Jantzen Love: what is it anyway…? What does it mean to love someone…a husband, a child, a parent, a neighbor? For the most part I’m not even addressing romantic love. I’m wondering about us loving human beings, other than ourselves. Of course that includes husband or wife. So what about romantic love? Was it like the movies said…or the love songs or the romantic novels? Are we in love only when our hearts go pitter pat, our palms get sweaty, or we feel out of breath? I suppose that is part of it. But is it truly loving someone else? If it is it doesn’t seem to last. When I first got married I thought it was love I felt for my husband, but looking back, it was just a new and different set of circumstances. Maybe I was in love with an idea. I was a married woman. I was all grown up wasn’t I? One thing I knew for sure…he was honest, sincere, principled and hardworking…good traits for a husband …and I suppose I loved him as long as he pleased me, gave me attention, and when he didn’t… the warm fuzzy feelings of love evaporated. I didn’t really understand… was love just a feeling I was supposed to have? …because those feelings came and went just as easily as the wind changes direction. Even after I came into God’s Church, I knew loving another human being was no easy task. And then there were the babies and the work and the lack of time for each other. We had seven children and we wanted every one of them. But it made for a lot of work, a lot of stress, and a lot of overtime. And the novelty of romance goes away very soon when there’s work to be done and a livelihood to be made. Married love isn’t always that easy. It takes time and effort. So what does the Old Testament marriage tell us about love? It is interesting to note that "although romance before marriage was not unknown in Old Testament times [Jacob and Rachel is one example], it played a minor role in the life of teenagers of that era. They did not marry the person they loved; they loved the mate they married. Love began at marriage. When Isaac married Rebekah, the Bible records that "she became his wife, and he loved her" (Genesis. 24:67). Nelsons’ New Illustrated Dictionary So we see love for Rebekah and Isaac was a choice not some emotion they felt before marriage.
With focus on romantic love, people in the Twenty-First century don’t seem to know what love truly is, because according to Adventist Family Ministries, in 1999 there was one divorce for every two marriages in the United States, a "crude" divorce rate of 50%. Since the introduction of "no-fault divorce" in Canada 30 years ago, the rate of marital break-up has soared 600%. So what kind of love makes it possible to last through sickness and health, in good times and bad? What about love for children? We love them more than the whole world, or so we say. It was easy to love my young children when they were good, but I didn’t have the same affectionate feelings when they were cranky and miserable and stubborn. Some days I could easily have given them away. I knew, however, that I loved them in spite of themselves. I knew I had their best interest at heart. I also knew there would be times they would not like me. I had one especially difficult child and I remember telling an older woman that I had a hard time feeling love for him like my other children. He just wasn’t easy to love. She said doing what was necessary for him… was loving him. Loving him was a choice, not a feeling. I suppose that is where our biggest hang-up comes in…thinking love is a feeling and when that feeling is missing we think we do not love them. And yet if we really loved our children would we get disgruntled with our mate or do we love our children enough to get along, to keep the family together? It is obvious that many times we do not. And, then who is our neighbor? Nelson’s New Bible Dictionary defines neighbor as a friend, close associate, or a person who lives nearby…Jesus extended the concept of neighbor to include strangers, as in the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37), and hence all mankind." Now I take that admonition seriously…to look out for my neighbor next door or across the street…my husband and I put forth much effort to be helpful when necessary, but then we don’t have to live with them, either. I knew I was supposed to love my family, my friends as much as I loved myself and of course my neighbor. (Leviticus19:18) But sometimes, I don’t even love myself very much… sometimes I get cranky, out of sorts, have a bad day, don’t feel lovable at all, how then can I love others…? Maybe we can understand a little more about love if we understand the concept as commanded by God and to understand to whom it was given. When asked by the unconverted lawyer about the most important commandments Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second most important is similar: Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself" (Matthew 22:37). To love others as ourselves is an inconsistent love, as our love for ourselves is flawed. And if we thought that was difficult, later on when speaking to his disciples, Jesus gave a new commandment. The meaning of love changes rather drastically. Jesus said, "And so I am giving a new commandment to you now—love each other just as much as I love you. Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples" (John 13:34 Living translation). Soon the disciples would be capable of a different kind of love…the love that Jesus was capable of giving to them…Godly love through his Holy Spirit. All the unconverted lawyer was capable of without the gift of God’s Spirit was to love everyone as much as he did himself. But those with God’s Spirit were capable of divine love because Godly love is divine! Let’s understand a little about God’s love, how we can get it and how we can use it in our lives. AGAPE: a Greek word for love used often in the New Testament (John 13:35; 1 Corinthians. 13; 1 John 4:7–18). Contrary to popular understanding, the significance of agape is not that it is an unconditional love, but that it is primarily a love of the will rather than the emotions. The New Testament never speaks of God loving unbelieving human beings with emotional love or a love that expects something in return. But He loves with His will (John 3:16; Romans: 5:8). The reason for this is that God can find nothing enjoyable about a sinner on whom His wrath still abides. So He loves by His will; it is His nature to love. And that nature can be ours…all we have to do is ask. "… For we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love" (Romans 5: 5). "…When the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…" (Galatians 5:22, 23). In the love chapter the Apostle Paul defines what love is, and if you don’t have love he says you are nothing: "Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever" (1Corinthians 13: 4-8). So we can understand that the above is pretty well impossible to accomplish on our own. So we can conclude that true or Godly love is a gift from God that gives us the power to love not only our mates, but all others and to have the power to perform constructive outward action toward others instead of self. Such love surpasses our powers of understanding. "May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvellous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself" (Ephesians 3: 18, 19). Love is not a feeling, it is a choice we make, a commitment we make to our mates, our children, our friends and neighbors, and it is our choice to ask for the power to do so.
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